How to murder an established brand in 10 easy steps!

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My friends at Ideopia published this article in a newsletter.

1. Protect your brand from change like a religious zealot. Your marketing mojo has worked for 100 years, and by golly it'll work for another 100. Convince yourself that all good change is evolutionary; that anything progressing faster than a terodactyl is downright dangerous.

2. Democracy rules. Vote on everything, especially creative work. And vote often. Phil in accounting. Lisa in customer service. Your mom. And, of course, legal. Your marketing will be stripped of anything that could possibly make it work, but an ass covered is an ass saved.

3. Believe your sacred brand lives in a vacuum where it is immune to cultural, technological and demographic changes. Like Women's Suffrage and the Internet, they're all fads anyway.

4. Worry about losing your job. That fear will protect you from taking any action that could positively move your business forward, while you may get lucky and ride the flat growth line into retirement.

5. Wear Teflon by Armani. Let the little guys take the fall. Make your subordinates more afraid of losing their job than you are of losing yours. After all, it's your job to cultivate talent internally.

6. Talk a good game. Drop buzzwords. Maybe Tweet once or twice. Reference articles about social media and forward them to higher ups. Everyone will know you're on top of this new fangled stuff, but don't do anything about it.

7. Congratulate yourself for being at the top of your industry without wondering if your industry will be there in 5 years.

8. Ignore criticism or even the hint of negative karma. Consumers are idiots or difficult cases. Research lies. And your agency's job is to suck up and take orders.

9. Never benchmark or evaluate your program against other industries much less competitors. Those guys are clueless and their ideas have no relevance to an aged and revered brand like yours.

10. Consumers are idiots (see No. 8). Listening to what they think or feel about your brand, or how it could better meet their needs is just stupid. What could possibly come from it? New product ideas. More share. Why bother? Your brand had this nailed 100 years ago.

Many thanks to Susan @ Ideopia!